In This Dim Light

Photo by geralt on

This is an essay about my future.

In this dim light of the lamp, all I can see is a blank wall.

I smile at the blank wall. It’s a blank canvas, waiting for me to decorate with my art, my creativity, my loves and my life. That wall is my wall and it’s the first wall that I’ve ever had.

This is my first true apartment. It’s the one I’ve been waiting for for decades. I’ve been waiting but been held back by disease, illness, depression, surgery, disability, and job loss.

But here it is. It’s all mine.

I love charcoal drawing and I have one piece of a charcoal drawing that I framed when I was in school that is my true favorite. It’s of a tiger. His face is neutral but his eyes are piercing. It only took me 2 1/2 hours to make but people marvel at it.  And they marvel even more when I tell them how long it took . It’s the most beautiful thing I ever made in charcoal . I’ve been trying for years to out do myself but I haven’t yet. I‘ll get there though. It’ll have a friend. Maybe a giraffe or a kangaroo or a koala bear.

The wall to the right will have something I have a mild, okay extreme obsession with – zombies. I have The Walking Dead figurines and an artist rendition of Shaun of the Dead. I have The Walking Dead calendar and I have signed autographs by some of the actors, thanks to a coworker who gave them to me as a gift.

Yes these walls are mine. All mine. And there’s nothing and no one who can take them away from me. In this dim light,  I see brightness. I see day. I see life and hope. I see my life shining before my eyes.


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